McGINTY'S JOCKEY
| I had written Bob a letter For all my patience was used up We had a racehorse entered In the 'Gang-Gang Picnic Cup' But we couldn't find a jockey Who could hold our head-strong mare She would take off at full gallop And our hopes were in despair For the 'Gang-Gang Cup' is run On the toughest course about And we knew that after two miles She'd be plumb tuckered out If we could find someone to hold her Just tucked in behind the pace Then when they made their run for 'home' We knew she'd win the race Our Jockey's arms weren't strong enough Their wrists were much too slack So I wrote to Bob McGinty On his station way out back McGinty ran his own 'bush' meetings He was a man of wealth and note So I wrote a pleading letter And my letter I here quote: "I need a rider for our mare To hold the bugger back He must have wrists like Samson To sit behind the leading pack" "For this mare pulls like an elephant So find me if you can A jockey who has muscles Like that 'Terminator' man" Then I received his answer Claiming that he'd done the deed "I'm sending you a jockey And he's just the man you need" Well, we dashed out to the airport And our eyes were hanging out As we waited on this jockey That McGinty bragged about But I'd forgot McGinty's humour He'd played the meanest trick When I spied the bloke he sent me It nearly made me sick This little 'pommy' standing there It was a shocking blow He announced: "My name is William And I'm English, don't you know." "I've come to ride your lovely horse The boss said that I could And as long as he is gentle I assured him that I would" Well, our hopes were dashed completely We couldn't do a damn thing now But this little wimp he'd sent us Why, he couldn't ride a cow And he had this sissy accent Like some upper English toff And though the boys were mumbling I'm sure he heard them scoff He was wearing fancy jodhpurs And a little 'pork pie' hat And around his neck was knotted The most gaudiest cravat Well, we held a hurried meeting But we couldn't send him back It was too late for replacement We had one hour to make the track But the one thing that puzzled me About this 'pommy' man Where his features should be snowy white He wore an Aussie tan All the 'bookies' burst out laughing When we turned up at the 'course' You could get whatever 'odds' you asked Not one would back our horse All the townsfolk knew her weakness She'd blast off like dynamite But she couldn't keep that pace for long She'd fade right out of sight Then the 'pommy' loudly told me "I haven't rode a winner yet But you can lay five hundred for me I just love to have a bet" When the horses reached the starting gate All eyes were opened wide The yokels knew they'd witness The fall of English pride Then the starting gates flew open And as the field raced down the track The 'pommy' bloke sat cooly On our horse right at the back And there he held the mare in check Til half way through the race Then as smooth as silk he moved her up And sat just off the pace I just stood there feeling stupid For I hadn't placed a bet And my mare was being ridden By the best that I'd seen yet All the crowd was hushed in silence Like they'd swallowed sleeping pills As they gaped in pure amazement At this 'pommy's' riding skills And though the favourite made its run He held her like a vice The 'pom' could not be faltered He sat as cool as ice As the winning post got closer He let her have her head And daylight filled six placings She left the field for dead As I led him back a winner He laughed and gave a wink "I think you've got a good 'un, mate Or at least, that's what I think" He spoke in broad Australian And it took me by surprise And I knew that I'd been 'suckered' By the twinkle in his eyes He didn't speak another word Til he left to catch his plane Then he said: "I want to thank you'se blokes P'raps we'll meet again" Well, I wrote to damn McGinty With my temper badly bent And I asked for information Of this jockey bloke he'd sent Old McGinty answered promptly And I could sense the bugger's glee "My boy made quite a bundle And half the bet he made for me" "I knew you blokes would quiver When I dressed him up like that With that fancy English 'necktie' And a good old 'pork pie' hat" "And that 'toffy' English accent Why, he puts it on for show Because it takes in all the suckers When we want to win some dough" "For ten years he's been with me Since his dear old mother died And a fact you'll surely grant me Is this English boy can ride" "He can wheel the fleetest brumby He can rope the wildest steer There's not a horse can throw him And he doesn't have no fear" "We've skinned the bookies here in Queensland In most every country town He makes every horse a 'Pegasus' He's never let me down" "He came from good old English stock His breeding's plain to see But he now speaks pure Australian He speaks as 'broad' as you and me" For years I couldn't bear the thought To look back on that race McGinty and his jockey Had pushed egg in our face Because of all the folk that gathered On that crowded country track The only punter that collected Was the 'Pom' from way out back K.D. Abbott © 2007 |
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