A Collection of Scattered Poems

McGinty's Jockey


McGinty's Jockey
McGINTY'S JOCKEY

I had written Bob a letter
For all my patience was used up
We had a racehorse entered
In the 'Gang-Gang Picnic Cup'

But we couldn't find a jockey
Who could hold our head-strong mare
She would take off at full gallop
And our hopes were in despair

For the 'Gang-Gang Cup' is run
On the toughest course about
And we knew that after two miles
She'd be plumb tuckered out

If we could find someone to hold her
Just tucked in behind the pace
Then when they made their run for 'home'
We knew she'd win the race

Our Jockey's arms weren't strong enough
Their wrists were much too slack
So I wrote to Bob McGinty
On his station way out back

McGinty ran his own 'bush' meetings
He was a man of wealth and note
So I wrote a pleading letter
And my letter I here quote:

"I need a rider for our mare
To hold the bugger back
He must have wrists like Samson
To sit behind the leading pack"

"For this mare pulls like an elephant
So find me if you can
A jockey who has muscles
Like that 'Terminator' man"

Then I received his answer
Claiming that he'd done the deed
"I'm sending you a jockey
And he's just the man you need"

Well, we dashed out to the airport
And our eyes were hanging out
As we waited on this jockey
That McGinty bragged about

But I'd forgot McGinty's humour
He'd played the meanest trick
When I spied the bloke he sent me
It nearly made me sick

This little 'pommy' standing there
It was a shocking blow
He announced: "My name is William
And I'm English, don't you know."

"I've come to ride your lovely horse
The boss said that I could
And as long as he is gentle
I assured him that I would"

Well, our hopes were dashed completely
We couldn't do a damn thing now
But this little wimp he'd sent us
Why, he couldn't ride a cow

And he had this sissy accent
Like some upper English toff
And though the boys were mumbling
I'm sure he heard them scoff

He was wearing fancy jodhpurs
And a little 'pork pie' hat
And around his neck was knotted
The most gaudiest cravat

Well, we held a hurried meeting
But we couldn't send him back
It was too late for replacement
We had one hour to make the track

But the one thing that puzzled me
About this 'pommy' man
Where his features should be snowy white
He wore an Aussie tan

All the 'bookies' burst out laughing
When we turned up at the 'course'
You could get whatever 'odds' you asked
Not one would back our horse

All the townsfolk knew her weakness
She'd blast off like dynamite
But she couldn't keep that pace for long
She'd fade right out of sight

Then the 'pommy' loudly told me
"I haven't rode a winner yet
But you can lay five hundred for me
I just love to have a bet"

When the horses reached the starting gate
All eyes were opened wide
The yokels knew they'd witness
The fall of English pride

Then the starting gates flew open
And as the field raced down the track
The 'pommy' bloke sat cooly
On our horse right at the back

And there he held the mare in check
Til half way through the race
Then as smooth as silk he moved her up
And sat just off the pace

I just stood there feeling stupid
For I hadn't placed a bet
And my mare was being ridden
By the best that I'd seen yet

All the crowd was hushed in silence
Like they'd swallowed sleeping pills
As they gaped in pure amazement
At this 'pommy's' riding skills

And though the favourite made its run
He held her like a vice
The 'pom' could not be faltered
He sat as cool as ice

As the winning post got closer
He let her have her head
And daylight filled six placings
She left the field for dead

As I led him back a winner
He laughed and gave a wink
"I think you've got a good 'un, mate
Or at least, that's what I think"

He spoke in broad Australian
And it took me by surprise
And I knew that I'd been 'suckered'
By the twinkle in his eyes

He didn't speak another word
Til he left to catch his plane
Then he said: "I want to thank you'se blokes
P'raps we'll meet again"

Well, I wrote to damn McGinty
With my temper badly bent
And I asked for information
Of this jockey bloke he'd sent

Old McGinty answered promptly
And I could sense the bugger's glee
"My boy made quite a bundle
And half the bet he made for me"

"I knew you blokes would quiver
When I dressed him up like that
With that fancy English 'necktie'
And a good old 'pork pie' hat"

"And that 'toffy' English accent
Why, he puts it on for show
Because it takes in all the suckers
When we want to win some dough"

"For ten years he's been with me
Since his dear old mother died
And a fact you'll surely grant me
Is this English boy can ride"

"He can wheel the fleetest brumby
He can rope the wildest steer
There's not a horse can throw him
And he doesn't have no fear"

"We've skinned the bookies here in Queensland
In most every country town
He makes every horse a 'Pegasus'
He's never let me down"

"He came from good old English stock
His breeding's plain to see
But he now speaks pure Australian
He speaks as 'broad' as you and me"

For years I couldn't bear the thought
To look back on that race
McGinty and his jockey
Had pushed egg in our face

Because of all the folk that gathered
On that crowded country track
The only punter that collected
Was the 'Pom' from way out back

K.D. Abbott © 2007


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