| My neighbour has a little dog About eight inches high I'm sure that if I sneezed on it The little mutt would die He's such a little fellow I've nick-named him 'half-pint' But this dog has such an ego He imagines he's a giant I'll admit he's such a 'cutie' But he loses all his charm. 'Cause when I stoop to pat him He tries to take my arm It's not that he can hurt me In fact, he does no harm at all Although he clamps on like a tiger His teeth are much too small But his teeth have points like needles And the thing that really bugs Is when people see the marks he leaves They'll think I'm 'shooting' drugs And there's a dog that l've named 'Rainbow' He lives just down the street He's the friendliest little fellow That you could hope to meet He has so many colours There can't be many more His coat looks like it's fashioned From an unswept salon floor He has black and red and fawn and white Some blue and golden brown I'm sure his mum was visited By every dog in town And then there's dear old 'Frothy' He's always full of cheer He pants so much with happiness He's froth from nose to ear It's a very nervous moment When you hear his bounding thuds You know that very shortly You'll be drenched with frothy suds A friend of mine had problems With rude salesmen at his door It seemed as he got rid of one There'd be a dozen more He took a photo of his Doberman And placed it on his gate He thought that he'd been clever He boasted "That will stop them, mate!" But the salesmen kept on coming It didn't frighten them a bit If he didn't stop them very soon I felt sure he'd have a fit I made a cruel suggestion I'll admit it wasn't nice But he was in agreement And accepted my advice Now, salesmen never bother him He has a carefree life He replaced the Doberman's picture With a picture of his wife She's the fiercest woman living She has eyes that stare and dart And that scowl that's plastered on her face Strikes terror in the heart The self-confidence in a salesman Would vanish without trace If when the door was opened He was confronted with that face There's a dog that bites our postmen He tries to eat them all alive He's already gobbled four of them Now he's seeking number five He's owned by an old lady He's the largest she could get And she claims that he is docile He's her darling little pet This dog is very savage And I told her so one day The bugger tried to eat me As she passed along my way She insists he's being friendly That it's the way he says "Hello". I tried to show her I was bleeding But She didn't want to know "Just pat him once." she urged me "Just pat him once, I beg" But before she'd finished speaking He'd taken half my leg. She said "When puppy wags his tail It pleasures and delights." I told her "That end might be friendly But it's the other end that bites." By now he'd finished with my leg And it filled me with alarm Because as I rubbed my bleeding leg He'd started on my arm She just stood there idly watching As I began to squeal and cuss But she admonished me with venom "Stop making such a fuss!" "My dog is not vindictive When he chews upon your hand He doesn't realise he's hurting you He doesn't understand." Her attitude confused me It left me quite bereft For the way her dog was eating me I'd have just a few bits left Then my temper really bubbled So I yelled out loud and clear "Can't you see your dog is killing me Make him let go of my ear!" "If you don't drag this beast off me It's a day that you'll regret I have a place in mind for your dog But I haven't dug it yet!" She stomped off flushed with anger With her nose stuck in the air She never speaks to me these days Does she think I really care? That dog enjoyed his picnic And I don't exaggerate Great hunks of me went missing At a very rapid rate And though her dog near killed me And put survival to the test Of all the creatures in this world It's dogs that I love best And whether fat or skinny Whether huge or very small Whether pure of breed or mixture I'll admit I love them all It wont matter if you're rich or poor You're their hero to the end They give unending love and loyalty For dog is man's best friend And when my life is ended And my years have had their share I know Heaven will not please me If they don't have dogs up there K.D. Abbott © 2008 |
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